I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
