Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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