So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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