i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
