last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
