I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize