I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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