He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
