i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
