if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
