I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
