in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
