im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
