He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
