Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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