think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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