return my video game
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize