He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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