Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We named our party play list daddy issues
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
