I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
