your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize