Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
