Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this will be a night to untag.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
