Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
