I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize