I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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