Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
