Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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