watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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