I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
