Life is so much better after having sex.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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