Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize