I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
