All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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