I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
