Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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