I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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