it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize