Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
