help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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