Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
