Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize