The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
