Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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