Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
