I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
