At least make sure they are 18
Why
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
