I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
