I love black thongs
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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