Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
