You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
