Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
