What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
