We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
