mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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