Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
