I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
