she smelled like a LAN party
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
